We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
