it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
