my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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