I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
