Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize