Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
