I wish I could teleport
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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