Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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