VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize