I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
