plz talk dirty to me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
