I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
