thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
