I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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