I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
