You're completely useless in the revolution.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
