the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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