know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
