Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I deserve this hangover.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
