the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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