i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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