Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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