it wasn't lemon gatorade
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
