Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sober January is a disaster.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
