she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
