i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
