I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
