Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
