I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize