It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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