oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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