corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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