i was born a porn star she said
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
