He passed out mid-signature
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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