Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
