We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
