no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize