okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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