I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
