We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I looked at my own cervix.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
