you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
