My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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