Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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