I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
