Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
