If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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