I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
