Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
