New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
