All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
