Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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