Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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