If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
