dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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