so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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