Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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