the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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