I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
