this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
