But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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