Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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