took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
