We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize