it's like iHOP with fire
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
