so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
