I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
