I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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