I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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