Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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