I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
