i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
