You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
