Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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