Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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